Thursday 28 May 2009

My Pararnoia

If you read my previous post, you might have realised I'm busting my chops this week. Apart from revealing how much I weigh (which apparently, no woman will...in public), I have also decided to share my biggest paranoia.....my impending fear as it were....my little secret obsession.... that drives me crazy sometimes.

If you're thinknig it is cockroaches or floods—you are wrong....if you're thinking it is heights or closed spaces—you are wrong again. Stop thinking. It's the most unassuming, harmless thing ever but it has me on the edge of my seat every single time I confront it alone....

So here it is........ for the first time in my short-lived and not-so-happening blog-life....my biggest paranoia is........hold your horses and your breath.......(drum roll, please)........AUTO & TAXI METERS!!!!

Phew! That feels better. Now, that I've let my crazy out...I feel the burden of justifying it. But then again, I'm sure it deserves an explanation.

AUTO/TAXI METERS....they make me nervous...I'll tell you why.....
  • I can't sit in an auto alone without my eyes fixed on the meter...I fear that every meter is rigged and that I am quite certainly being cheated.
  • My obsession with meters and being cheated is such that I must count the seconds after every time the number falls and if the intervals aren't an even match....I must prepare to confront the driver about his unscrupulous meter rigging....
  • There isn't a time that I remember where I haven't kept close eye on the meter to see how fast its ticking....I usually make it less obvious if there are others with me...
  • Another aspect of my fear is specifically to do with auto meters. I once witnessed an accident where the passenger's head was crushed against the meter and one of his eye was hanging out....I'm sure that says it all....but I must make sure that I sit on the right side in the auto and not on the left where the meter is...just in case, you know...

So there you are.... shameless confessions that are but true....

I'm sure we all have our little paranoias, fears and pet peeves but we're less ready to admit they are there....it's these little weird things along with a lot of other normal things that make us different from each other and I think we should embrace this fact with a bear hug....

Tuesday 26 May 2009

My Schizophrenia

So here's the deal. I woke up this morning all pepped up and ready to work my stomach off. You should have seen me jog. I was certain my stomach would fall straight off my body as I was running. And then came the sit-ups. There were 20. I went for them with a steely-eyed determination. Then when the exercises and walking were done, came the fresh juices. I downed a glass of tulsi juice, mixed with amla juice and kokkam. As I gargled the filthy taste of the juice down my throat I could swear I felt 5 kgs lighter. I came home and looked at myself in the mirror. There I was....all 59kgs of me (minus the 5 kgs I thought I lost).....so correction....all 54kgs of me....looking at my future that looked so thin and pretty.... my new work out regime had given hope to many clothes that hadn't seen the light of day....

Anyways, I don't know when it happened and how it happened and how I led myself to what happened next!

Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting on the floor, stufifng my face with bread, cheese, ham, luncheon meat and salami. I smothered the bread with some 'oh-so-delicious' ketchup and then over it went a layer of salami....actualy three pieces of it....then came a fat cheese slice....followed by some scrumptous ham....and topped with another layer of luncheon meat and bread.....it was the SANDWICH FROM FAT HELL.........I downed that calorie-bomb like a fugitive from Sarajevo..... like a starved rat from Somalia...... I ate that bad boy and there was no guilt but only pure pleasure.......... what makes this more unbelievable is that I personally went and bought the meat from a cold storage shop and made that killer sandwich myself.... the girl who looked in the mirror a few minutes back had left the city on a long sojourn to the land of Maybe-Never-Ville....

So thanks to the two people inside me..... Wanda and Susan.....it may be light years before many of my clothes see the light of day......(I've named my personalities Wanda and Susan.......their full names are Wannabe Wanda and Savage Susan).......

Statutory Warning: Do not try this at home... by 'this' I don't mean jogging and then hogging... I mean.... writing about it in public soon after! ..... Woe is me.....

Friday 22 May 2009

My two types......

I've decided that there are two types of people—the "fashionaly late" and the "lately fashionable". I also learnt that I can stand either types and would never want to be a part of either.
Firstly, let me explain the categorisation. I've been hearing so many people categorise mankind in "two types" that I thought, "Why shouldn't I do it as well?"....Go-with-the-flow sorts....

Anyways, now to explain my spite for each category in great detail.

I am not sure who I dislike more—the "fashionably late" or the "lately fashionable"...hmmmm...

The "fashionably late" are those who are always late... for everything...at work....at parties....at church....at literally everything.....and that too not once or twice....EVERY SINGLE TIME.....
They are okay with being late....in fact, that's what annoys me the most...the complacency...the acceptance that it is okay to be late.....But what realllllllly gets on my nerves and stays there....is the fact that they come late ALL DRESSED UP!..... I'm sorry but if you belong to this group, I don't like you....not because of 'you' but because you don't respect time and also expect to be appreciated for looking good.....Sorry...but you're not exactly on my fan list....if you know what I mean!

Then there is the "lately fashionable". They are fewer in numbers...and annoy me lesser but I bet my wit that you all know someone like that.... someone who was simple and was doing their own thing....until recently....they made some new friends....or hang out with "cooler" people and their style has suddenly...almost drastically changed! They now wear their jeans low....althought it looks horrible on them....you'd rather not see them crack so much.....They colour their hair in a shade that totally doesn't suit them.....and most importanly, although their outside appearance has changed....inside they are still their old selves.....That's what annoys me....They can so be themselves....have their own style....their own way of doing things....But NO......they're trying so hard to fit in that they'd rather be someone else....Wear clothes like someone else and pretend they are "cool".....I know some of this kind and I want to hold them by their shoulders....shake them up real hard till the "real' falls out......or atleast till their jeans do!

So there we go.....I feel happy that I've been able to make two new people categories today and my job is done....

P.S: You do notice how I'm trying so hard for this blog to be conventional, right? No sarcasm intended but this is what 99% of blogs are made up of....unwanted gyaan from people that looms in cyber space till someone actually agrees and puts it in the Chicken Soup Series or something.....aaaaaaaah.....

Monday 18 May 2009

Humph!

I've been lazy this year with my writing. It's May 18th and this is my first post on the blog and I'm not sure what to write either. Lazy, lazy, lazy!

I'm not sure how I got to being like this but here I am. I've never been a disciplined writer. Moody ramblings are what you will find here, if anything! But then again, who made history by sticking to routine? Not that I liken myself to any iconic figures of the by-gone eras. Just making a point and subtly justifying my lethargy.

Anyways, deeply profound excuses aside, here's promising all my non-readers of this conveniently non-existent blog that I will write more often. In fact, maybe everyday even. Or maybe not. And who knows, maybe this will be the one promise I will keep. The 'Promise' that will bypass all 'Compromise'. And unriddled uncertainty, that most definitely shrouds all my decisions.

By now, I have realised that I'm just rambling nonsense that sounds like gyaan. So, I'm off now. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will have something to say that's worth a rat's behind! :)