Railway Stuff That Bothers Me!

WHY is there a board in a remote corner of the first class ladies train coach with irrelevant messages?

The one that annoys me the most is "Please allow passengers to alight first".
What the heck? With a steely-eyed determination, I've fought my way through a flood of women - some of whom I am certain don't have a first class pass; I've managed to get half a seat to rest half my behind on and all I want to do is let out a sigh of relief!!! Allow passengers to alight first???? Why this post-knowledge? Shouldn't this be displayed in bold outside the train or on the platform? Before I boarded the train? Before I pushed that aunty who seemed to take forever to get down. And that heavily decked female who was acting like she was walking down the ramp? I pushed my way in, got a seat and now you tell me?

I think this is IRS's secret agenda to propogate guilt. We won't tell you to let others alight first in advance, but after you push your way in violently and let out your animal instincts, we will make you feel bad about it. I hope the concerned authorities are reading!

And then WHY do men who are selling stuff in the train always yell out the name of the item they are selling?

"EARRINGSSS-AAAH", "LIF-TICK-AAH", "NAIL POLIS-AAH"! Like I wouldn't have known what they were selling, hadn't they to tell me! I could understand their ear-piercing yells if they were selling some new groundbreaking fashion accessories. Like earrings that looked like lipsticks. Or nail polishes that looked like earrings. "Earrrings-aah!" — then that would be justified especially because I thought those little things looked like lipsticks!

And WHY do these men have to 'AAH' at the end of every word?

I've always wondered about this. It's not an 'aah' of agony because no one's buying their stuff! It's not an 'aah' of excitement because they are surrounded by women! It's not even an 'aah' of relief, that they managed to get on the train. It's just an 'aah' that's a suffix to the word — "Mobile Covers-aah", "Bhel-aah", "Chickoo-aah!"

IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!! Really! Makes me want to yell back: GET-OFF-THE-FRICKING-TRAIN-AAAAH!"

And the worst of all — WHY do they have a sign that says "In case of emergency pull chain" next to a barrell shaped object that hangs on a pipe shaped thingy???

That "thing" doesn't even look like a chain!!! What is one to think? Imagine an emergency. Since, I'm a woman who travels in first class, the only emergency I can think of is a violent cat fight between two or more women. Hair is being pulled; gaalis are flying left, right and centre; dupattas and handbags are being used as weapons; and God forbid, people are being thrown off the train! I would want to read an emergency sign.

In case of emergency, pull chain. What chain? My purse chain? The chain around my neck? My zip? Someone else' zip? What the heck am I to do? After pulling every possible chain in the compartment and getting thrashed by the women who haven't been thrown off the coach — I am certain to be told later by some authority that the message was referring to the barrell-shaped thingy hanging on the top! Severe miscommunication is what I call this!

And severe dicrimination as well! Imagine what a short woman would do! Let's say there's a shorter damsel who has spotted distress, she decodes the "indirect" emergency message and wants to pull the "chain".

Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Several jumps later, the disillusioned person she wanted to pull the chain for has fallen off the train, died and reached the Pearly Gates. Madam is still jumping! Discriminatory and plain unfair is what it is.

I can go on listing my woes about the local trains in Mumbai, but I'll save the 'whyning' for another day!