Ok. This is probably going to be the biggest highlight of 2008 for me. I am moving. It's not like the move I made in 2006 - across continents. It's just from Bournemouth to London. 106 miles, it seems (according to one website - I like to throw in some statistics into my blog...should be a little educational no?). Anyways, weird blogging aside, this is actually turning out to be a tougher time for me than I assumed it to be.
I always handle things in a much cooler way in my head. I think and rethink conversations that will probably never take place. I work on reactions that I will never give and script sentences, I have never used. Emotional speeches that will invoke love and respect in people's hearts for me. Moreover, I also go ahead and decide what others will say to me and how they will react to my very well imagined lines. Jokes are mostly rehearsed and their very casual delivery is also well practiced.
Needless to say, things never happen the way I fancy them. Not because I don't make an effort. Not because I script them wrong or imagine the impossible (although I have done that sometimes). Not because I forget the way it's supposed to be. SIMPLY BECAUSE --- WE CAN NEVER DECIDE FOR OURSELVES WHAT WILL HAPPEN, WHO WILL SAY WHAT AND HOW WE WILL REACT.
Now why am I saying this? I'm leaving Bournemouth. The place where I learnt the most important lessons in my life. I learnt huge spiritual, emotional and practical lessons here. It's been the place that I moved into when I moved out of my comfort zone two years ago. It's the place that made me cry, made me laugh, made me strong and made me responsible (a little atleast). It was here that I started the excrutiatingly painful process of making new friends, new people who I would share laughter with. Very reluctantly I trust new people with secrets that my old friends knew. They were nothing like my old friends but people aren't the same and that's how it goes. I carefully hand picked a bunch that I would trust through trial and error. They have been with me like my family has been with me.
Then there have been acquaintances. People I met here during my journalistics ventures. Me being me, I let many be more than just acquaintances (I mean, they all ended up being friends as well).
Ok. Now maybe what I am trying to say is I know every third person in Bournemouth by now and it's hard to suddenly go through the whole same process again. It's painstakingly difficult to say good-bye to a place where you are someone and suddenly be lost in a crowded place.
So yeah. I imagined more of a shocking reaction from people when they heard I was moving. I imagined parting gifts and tearful good-byes. Letters and cards and meaningful chats. I carefully decided what to tell everyone. "It's not like im moving continents. Don't be so upset."
AGAIN, needless to say, I haven't used that line yet. I am busy packing and have let everyone know I am going. No cards yet. No gifts. Moreover, no emotional talks (actually I can't say there haven't been any...Ive been giving some away)
I am now sitting at a friend's house. It's my send off party and everyone is watching a movie I don't like. One round of pizza is over and I have learnt something important. I don't have to be the center of everyone's life. I don't have to have a driving need to listen to each and every feeling that everyone feels about me and I don't need to hear from people what I mean to them.
It's a strange thing - PRIDE. I humbly accept I am also a victim sometimes. It creeps into you without warning and usually in disguise. And that's when God says - IT'S TIME TO MOVE!
I shouldn't have to learn this lesson again. You got me this time, Lord!
I always handle things in a much cooler way in my head. I think and rethink conversations that will probably never take place. I work on reactions that I will never give and script sentences, I have never used. Emotional speeches that will invoke love and respect in people's hearts for me. Moreover, I also go ahead and decide what others will say to me and how they will react to my very well imagined lines. Jokes are mostly rehearsed and their very casual delivery is also well practiced.
Needless to say, things never happen the way I fancy them. Not because I don't make an effort. Not because I script them wrong or imagine the impossible (although I have done that sometimes). Not because I forget the way it's supposed to be. SIMPLY BECAUSE --- WE CAN NEVER DECIDE FOR OURSELVES WHAT WILL HAPPEN, WHO WILL SAY WHAT AND HOW WE WILL REACT.
Now why am I saying this? I'm leaving Bournemouth. The place where I learnt the most important lessons in my life. I learnt huge spiritual, emotional and practical lessons here. It's been the place that I moved into when I moved out of my comfort zone two years ago. It's the place that made me cry, made me laugh, made me strong and made me responsible (a little atleast). It was here that I started the excrutiatingly painful process of making new friends, new people who I would share laughter with. Very reluctantly I trust new people with secrets that my old friends knew. They were nothing like my old friends but people aren't the same and that's how it goes. I carefully hand picked a bunch that I would trust through trial and error. They have been with me like my family has been with me.
Then there have been acquaintances. People I met here during my journalistics ventures. Me being me, I let many be more than just acquaintances (I mean, they all ended up being friends as well).
Ok. Now maybe what I am trying to say is I know every third person in Bournemouth by now and it's hard to suddenly go through the whole same process again. It's painstakingly difficult to say good-bye to a place where you are someone and suddenly be lost in a crowded place.
So yeah. I imagined more of a shocking reaction from people when they heard I was moving. I imagined parting gifts and tearful good-byes. Letters and cards and meaningful chats. I carefully decided what to tell everyone. "It's not like im moving continents. Don't be so upset."
AGAIN, needless to say, I haven't used that line yet. I am busy packing and have let everyone know I am going. No cards yet. No gifts. Moreover, no emotional talks (actually I can't say there haven't been any...Ive been giving some away)
I am now sitting at a friend's house. It's my send off party and everyone is watching a movie I don't like. One round of pizza is over and I have learnt something important. I don't have to be the center of everyone's life. I don't have to have a driving need to listen to each and every feeling that everyone feels about me and I don't need to hear from people what I mean to them.
It's a strange thing - PRIDE. I humbly accept I am also a victim sometimes. It creeps into you without warning and usually in disguise. And that's when God says - IT'S TIME TO MOVE!
I shouldn't have to learn this lesson again. You got me this time, Lord!
2 comments:
"..I have learnt something important. I don't have to be the center of everyone's life.."
I can so resonate with this right now..
Thank you for writing and sharing this.. :)
:) thanks for reading...
becky
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