Just when I made myself comfortable and sat me down, I looked up in relief and bang! There it was — a sign board that made me want to jump off the train!
Here's what it said:
FIRE SAFETY WARNING:
DO NOT THROW LIGHTED ARTICLES.
DO NOT CARRY EXPLOSIVE ARTICLES.
DO NOT CARRY INFLAMMABLE ARTICLES.
DO NOT LIGHT UP STOVE OR SIGRI.
OFFENDERS ARE PUNISHABLE WITH IMPRISONMENT UP TO TWO YEAR AND FINE UP TO RUPEES ONE THOUSAND.
HELP ALWAYS REACH YOU SAFELY.
1. "Throw lighted articles" where? In the train? Outside the train?
You see this line could be the most misleading IF we had law-abiding citizens travelling by train. Imagine a situation where by some quirk of fate, a poor law abiding Mumbaikar was handed a "lighted article" (a laxmi bomb or a lavangi srip) that he know is soon going to explode or cause damage within the train. His first instinct would be to throw the darn article out of the train but NO!!!!! The "rule" says "DO NOT". So, he will cling to it and DIE!!!
This rule angered me so much — not because the above might happen, but because they didn't think of the possibility that it might happen before making the rule. They didn't think anyone would even read it, let alone actually listening to it. That's the problem here! So many rules are made, assuming beforehand that they will be broken anyway! Sigh!
2. Do not carry "explosive" articles? What on earth?
If i'm a thieving, conniving, bomb-carrying terrorist who is planning to blow up the train, this sign will be the one thing that I must worry about! Oh no! What to do? I planned to bomb this train but the sign says "I can't!" What to do? What to do? I should've listened to Laden and taken up the London bomb routine instead. Oh no!
3. Do not carry "inflammable" articles? Uh...How?
Inflammable is anything that has the capacity of being set on fire. So, you're telling me not to carry my clothes, my bag, and most importantly, my hair??? What do they want us to do? Travel naked on the train without a bag, after we've shaved our heads clean? What if the TC comes? What do we show him then? Our passes or tickets? OH NO! WAIT! They're inflammable, too!!!!
4. Do not "light up stove or sigri"! This one really upset me!
I was planning a barbacue on the 08:26 Goregaon fast for all the familiar first class ladies, the group of 14-year old boys (who haven't reached puberty and travel in the ladies first class compartment for some reason) and of course, for the men selling earrings and hair clips.
BUT THEY HAD TO BAN THAT, TOO! You can never win, can you? Argggghhh!
5. What's worst is that if I break these rules, I'm not even sure how long I'll be imprisoned for — TWO YEAR!?!??
I think two IRS guys sat down one lazy afternoon to draft these rules. They had some thanda desi daru and chakna with them. After they got a little drunk, they couldn't agree on how many years to imprison offenders, and so they decided to settle it over a game of chess. They ended up check-mating each other simultaneously. That's when one of them said, "Chalo, let's compromise. You say two years. I say one year. Let's meet in the middle. Let's put "two year". How smart we are! Ha ha ha! Snort! Barf!"
5. The ending has to be the climax. Or anti-climax rather.
After they make you aware of the rules and tell you that you will be imprisoned or fined a 1,000 bucks for breaking them, they nicely add that "Help always reach you safely." Where? In prison? When I'm in prison for "two year", "help reach me safely"? What does that mean?
I think they were talking about help always reaching "safely" when there's a fire, since that was a fire warning. But, if that's the case then the word "safely" worries me. The help will reach me "safely"? You mean, the help will be "safe" but I may not? What if the train is on fire and I'm stuck inside? Help will not come, because it's not "safe" for them? OMG!
I wanted to set the train on fire after reading that notice, but I thought, "Nah! Some other day!"
I wasn't ready to be imprisoned for "two year".
:-|
3 comments:
Very good article.
Particularly, I like your alertness. I think, you would be the FIRST person who ACTUALLY read it all. :)
Keep it up.
been dropping in whenever i have time since you wrote a letter to bhagat :D ... like the 2new humorous posts..
thought you just might like to sign up for this..
http://booksneeze.com/
oh, and dont have to publish this spam comment of mine.. Cheers.. keep on writing!!
@ bhavesh...thanks dude.
@Blind Dayze...I'm liking that "someone" is dropping by here once in a while. :D
Oh and I liked the link you sent me. NICE! :D
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