My Alien Encouter!

So, here's the deal. Since I must narrate everything unusual that happens to me on this boring blog to give it that slight face lift, here's the scoop of the weekend —I got attacked on Saturday but an alien. Really. No jokes.

I intend to share my paranormal experience only to reinstate my faith in the supernatural and the utterly unbelievable, of course.

So, I was walking down the aisle of a supermarket (of sorts) looking for a moisturiser for my face. A moisturiser. Just a moisturiser.

As I was strolling unassumingly, I was confronted all of a sudden by a woman who was wearing the biggest smile I've EVER seen, and who was wearing a white coat. She looked totally human but little did I know she was just the host body being used by the alien residing in her. Anyway, she offered to help me find just the thing I was looking for.

SHE KNEW WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR? I was, for a moment, surprised at her ability to "know" what I wanted without asking me.

I followed her to a counter where she said with the same plastic smile on: "Madam, try this new fairness cream on and it will really make you fair. Come let me show you." She pulled my hand and dropped a bit of white cream on the back on my palm and before I could protest, she started massaging it into my hand. She then lifted my hand and showed it to me saying: "See Madam, you can see how fair this portion has become. I think this is the best cream for you."

That's when I saw it! By "it" I mean the ALIEN! Behind that smile and that normal human body was a paranormal being that came from another universe where darkness was not to be. The alien was on a special assignment to Planet Earth to eradicate all dark people and had found home in this smiling little Olay fairness cream campaigner. Oh no! The horror of it. I hope this makes national news.

Anyway, my first reaction was horror but that quickly turned into anger and I suddenly felt my animal instincts show up. I wanted to curl my hand into a fist and see if it reached down that woman's throat to where the alien was! But my mum was with me and I saved the grand show for another day.

She persisted and suggested that I have a "tan" and must get some fairness cream but I just calmly informed her it's not a tan and my original skin colour (which I am happy with!)

I made it through Sunday (the day after the alien encounter) without a word about this. I was thinking about what to say or write but I've decided to call for war!

Here is my humble plea:

Dark skinned sisters and brothers, let's unite!
We will not be taken down by these aliens from Planet WTF (We're Totally Fair). Today, I declare war. Let us stand firm and not be exposed to their paranormal agenda. But in case we are, let's not give in without a stiff fight.

If you read this and agree with me, you will be launching the largest e-battle in this history of mankind. Mankind—that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps, its fate that today is the 16th of November, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution—but from bleachification.

We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, today will no longer be known as just another day, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!" Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

Okay, I admit the last part of my extremely moving speech was borrowed from the movie "Independence Day" but you get my point na?

Fight and what not!

Chalo! XXX

Condoms? I'd rather have coke!

So, I read really long back (like coupla years back) that the Delhi University campuses were getting condom vending machines installed. It surprised me, angered me and then drove me to write an article. Note that this is like five years back okay. I suddenly woke up this evening and felt a strong urge to share it on the blog today. I don't know why today but I hope you read it and be blessed! It's my opinion and I'm not ashamed of it!

Here's the link to the original news article that instigated my article below: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/543913.cms

My Article:

Condom vending machines are the latest debate among almost all sections of Indian society. The recent installation of these machines in the university campuses at Delhi as well as in public urinals all over the capital has become a matter of grave discussion.

To every section it’s point of view. The Aids awareness activists say it’s for the purpose of safe sex, the students say the accessibility is awesome, parents are simply paranoid and culture vultures are apprehensive beyond measure.

I must have my say, too. And why not? It’s constitutional and, well, different from the two poles we have right now. I’m not discussing who is right and who is wrong. No, no. I’m just talking off the top of my head. You can read on and well, think for yourselves.

So, let’s start.

Firstly, the idea is brilliant. Whoever thought that a condom could come straight out of a vending machine is one heaven of a genius. The wonders of human creation. First, coke cans and then, candy and hey, now condoms. Isn’t it amazing what the human mind can do? So, the idea sounds great. And think about this, it’s getting popular in India faster than the coke vending machines or even, the chocolate vending machines. I can bet none of the campuses in Delhi that have the condom vending machine will have even half a coke vending machine. Nah! Nothing close to it even.

So, that brings in my argument. With condoms that accessible, would sex be more of a conscious choice? Hmm? Think of it this way…A couple in college know there is a vending machine where a condom comes out with just a few coins. Would they choose to hang out behind the rocks and crevices, where they previously used to make out superficially for fear of pregnancy, or would they simply look for a better place to have sex now that the safety part is taken care of?

Oh! We understand your intention ‘Aunt Aids Awareness’. It’s only Aids that you want to prevent. The Indian National AIDS Control Organization (NACO) estimates that approximately 5,100,000 Indians are infected with Aids. 75% of these are men and women over the age of 30. Another 11% are children below the age of 10. Also, the south Indian states of Andhra Pradesh (2.25%), Karnataka (1.25%) and Maharashtra feature among the top so far as states with the highest AIDS infected population goes. Delhi is shown as negligible on the NACO stats. Condom vending machines in university campuses in Delhi??? Is it a wise move?? Mull over this for a while. I’m just wondering myself.

So, after all the wondering, here’s what I say. This move has less to do with preventing aids and more to do with promoting safe sex. And what is safe sex? Sex with a condom? Is it safe? Safe is subjective, isn’t it? Does safe mean a lifelong promise to commit? Does safe mean to have and to hold for better and for worse? Statistics also say that 93% of relationships that involve pre-marital sex do not end up in marriage. The condoms can come easily but commitment doesn’t come easy, does it? The coins seem little to give away in exchange for a condom but is virginity that inexpensive?

Oh! I’m not forcing you to deliberate my way. I just want you to think. As logical, rational individuals. As intelligent youth. Will Mumbai colleges be next? Not if we have anything to do with it. Not if you have anything to do with it. We need to get together and keep a strong front. We can’t let our college grounds be places where the sex is defiled and separated from the confines of matrimony. We aren’t so frail and weak-willed that we would trade our virginity for some high-school fantasy ride. Nah! We’re substance. You’re substance. We aren’t what they think we are. We don’t need those machines in our colleges. Period.