Spam Bam....No thank you, Ma'am...

I just checked my e-mail to see if I got some mail that mattered and this is what I read—a forwarded e-mail titled "The Truth".

I usually give such humbug a pass, but for some weird reason I opened it and now I think I’d rather have gulped an entire bottle of caster oil mixed with raw egg yolk!

This is what the mail said:

THE TRUTH

Find a guy…who calls you beautiful instead of hot...who calls you back when you hang up on him…who will stay awake just to watch you sleep

Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead…who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats…who holds your hand in front of his friends…who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you…who turns to his friends and says, “That's her!!”

If you have a lot of love for someone, copy and send this to your whole list. In 5 minutes your true love will call or message you. Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you. Something good will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere.

Send this to 15 people in 15 minutes to carry on the chain...and spare yourself the emotional stress.

OMG!!!! I can't believe that people still forward spam like this. I think the guys at MSN, Yahoo and Google should get together and send out a search party to find such humbug-forwarding loners and confiscate all their computers.

Anyway, the e-mail didn’t bug me as much as what it said did! So, here it is again…my two pence worth coming at 140kmph:

1. Who wants a guy “who calls you back when you hang up on him”! I mean the whole hanging up happened because you didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Imagine being nagged by someone you are mad enough to hang up on! Blah.
2. And a guy who will “say awake just to watch you sleep”? That’s just plain creepy. You wake up at night and two eyes are staring at you in the dark! I’m okay with just the All-seeing Eye looking at me for now. Thank you very much.
3. Whoever wrote this e-mail knows zilch about women. Which woman wants to be “shown off” to the world when in her sweats? That’s as far from romantic as the east is from the west!
4. Then…a guy who “holds your hand in front of his friends”??? How uncomfortable is that? It’s like being on a leash.

“I can take you to meet my friends, honey, but you can’t stray away!”

“Sit!”

“Roll over!”

“Good girl! Here’s a bone!”

5. This next one really kills me! A guy who turns to his friends and says, “That's her!!”??? What? What if you’re a petty thief and his friend happens to be the cop looking for you? He’d just give you away like that? “That’s her! That’s her, officer! She’s the one you’re looking for!” Who wants a give-away like that? Not me!
6. The last bit of this mail amazed me. It’s what I call a prophetic paradox: “Something good will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere.”

It promises that something good will happen to you, but then it also says that it could be anywhere! What!!!?

Then, it specifies an exact time…1:42pm…but also tells you that it is approximate. An approximate precision! Wah!

After reading this e-mail, I don’t really know what to fear more — that something bad might happen to me given that I didn’t bother forwarding this e-mail or that the kind of guy mentioned in this e-mail might actually exist!